A Cat Diary


I received this in an email and it made me laugh so hard I had to share.  I have made slight modifications to fit Buster.  We don’t actually have a bird, but it was funny so I kept it in.


 Day 93 of my captivity.  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.  The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again tear at the fancy couch pillows when no one is looking. 

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. 

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. 

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs. 

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. 

The small captors with the high-pitched squeals try to torture me by squeezing me and attempting to stuff me into doll furniture.  I will not let them break me. The dogs receive special privileges. They are regularly released – and seem to be more than willing to return. They are obviously mentally challenged.  The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with  the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe

For now…

About emilypage

I have been married to my husband, Ed since 1998. We have two daughters, Hailey (9) and Leah (6). I have been the Director of Easter Seals UCP Stepping Stones Children's Center in Sanford since 2004. I am an Independent Senior Director for Thirty-One and I absolutely LOVE it! I was raised as a Wolfpacker but saw the light and now I bleed Carolina blue (sorry, dad).
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