Leahisms
(She just wants to be close to us!)
It was raining pretty hard when we went to get in the car this morning. Leah was carrying her umbrella in one hand and her blanket in the other. I overheard her saying to her blanket, “It’s okay blankie, I’ve got you, just hold on to me!”
On the way to pick up Hailey, Leah was singing “Five Green and Speckled Frogs”. I was talking to Ed at the time and she was finished by the time I got off the phone so I asked her if she could sing it again. She told me she could not because “they are all in the pond now”.
Hailey had art this afternoon and a friend had asked me to pick up some cake truffles for her at Shops at Steele Street so it was easy to pop in and grab those for her…or it should have been. I had to wait 10 minutes to buy the truffles which was a loooong ten minutes for Leah to see lots of stuff she wanted. She really, really wanted a watch with a pink plastic armband. I told her she would not have a watch until she could tell time. She went over to the table, picked up the watch and said, “It is 5:18.” She waited a few seconds and then picked it up and said, “It is still 5:18.” She then told me that she could “tell time now” and so she could get the watch. (and NO, I did NOT let her get the watch)
We had a new teacher start last week and she told me that when she introduced herself to Leah, Leah said, “I Leah Page, my mom Emily Page.” 
Speaking of the little cutie, she has crept into the office and is sitting on the floor beside me so I better go get her back in bed!
PS I ended up doing 20 more minutes of Wii Fit last night and did over an hour tonight. Woo hoo!
Humor for your day…
I am slogging through all my emails that I neglected while planning the carnival and I just had to share this one as the comments really made me laugh. I hope you enjoy them as well!
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) –
‘Do not turn upside down.’
(well,…duh, a bit late, huh!)
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On Sainsbury’s peanuts –
‘Warning: contains nuts.’
(talk about a news flash)
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On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine –
‘Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.’
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
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On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding –
‘Product will be hot after heating.’
(…and you thought????…)
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On a Sears hairdryer –
Do not use while sleeping.
(That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)
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On a bag of Fritos –
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
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On a bar of Dial soap –
‘Directions: Use like regular soap.’
(and that would be???….)
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On some Swanson frozen dinners –
‘Serving suggestion: Defrost.’
(but, it’s just a suggestion.)
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On packaging for a Rowenta iron –
‘Do not iron clothes on body.’
(but wouldn’t this save me time?)
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On Nytol Sleep Aid –
‘Warning: May cause drowsiness.’
(..I’m taking this because???…..)
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On most brands of Christmas lights –
‘For indoor or outdoor use only.’
(as opposed to what?)
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On a Japanese food processor –
‘Not to be used for the other use.’
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
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On an American Airlines packet of nuts –
‘Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.’
(Step 3: say what?)
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On a child’s Superman costume –
‘Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.’
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
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On a Swedish chainsaw –
‘Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.’
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
A Cat Diary
I received this in an email and it made me laugh so hard I had to share. I have made slight modifications to fit Buster. We don’t actually have a bird, but it was funny so I kept it in.
CAT DIARY
Day 93 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again tear at the fancy couch pillows when no one is looking.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The small captors with the high-pitched squeals try to torture me by squeezing me and attempting to stuff me into doll furniture. I will not let them break me. The dogs receive special privileges. They are regularly released – and seem to be more than willing to return. They are obviously mentally challenged. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe
For now…
Things I learned from my sister, Julie
Because of our age difference (I won’t say how many years so that I don’t get in trouble), I didn’t always have my oldest sister, Julie, around. When she was around, I was either pestering her (I would hide behind the furniture in the living room when she had dates over and annoy her) or she was mean to me (sorry, Julie…you were…you played hide and go seek with Jo Ellen and I and you did not seek…that is just plain mean).
When Ed passed the bar exam and was looking for a job, he decided to call the DA for the 11th district just to see if they had any openings because we loved Sanford, knew Julie and her family loved it, wanted to live in a small town, and wanted to be able to see Julie, Jimmy, and our nephew, Jay, often. We were thrilled to learn that there was in fact an opening in the Lee County DAs office and Ed got the job. I feel very fortunate to have lived in the same town as Julie for the past seven years. I have been able to watch her parenting style with her two boys and much of how Ed and I parent is based on what we learned from Julie and Jimmy. Here are some of my favorite things I have learned from Julie:
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Laugh – no matter what is broken, ruined, stained, or lost…find a way to laugh about it because in the grand scheme of life, it really doesn’t matter.
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You are never going to have enough money to have children…money isn’t important, family is.
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Don’t scrimp and buy cheap cat food or you will pay for it later.
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Pay attention when filling out your address on work-related orders or you might just come home to find huge boxes of prom stuff on your front porch.
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If your kids want to just eat Cheerios and milk for every meal…let them. They won’t do it forever.
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If your kids want to sleep in your bed now and then…let them. They are only little once.
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Don’t stress about potty training. They’ll get it on their own time.
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Every child is different and you have to relate to them differently because of their differences.
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If someone offers to buy something for you…let them.
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Help your children discover their passion and listen when they tell you they aren’t interested in an activity.
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Finding a good deal on a great purse is reason to celebrate.
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You should buy yourself a birthday present.
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Let your children make their own mistakes…they’ll learn.
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The adventures you have with your children are more important than the “stuff” you give them.
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Kids heal…don’t stress.
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Petri dishes are a cool way to keep your matching jewelry together.
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Instant mashed potatoes can taste better than the real thing – and they are a heck of a lot easier.
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You can never have too many earrings.
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When you are pregnant, no one, and I mean, no one, will take care of you like Wesley Tyler, CNM.
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If you aren’t the best cook…marry someone who is.
Haileyism
Hailey has two nasty bruises on her arm. I asked her if she knew where she got them. She looked at me very seriously and then said, “I have things written in my head and that might be written in the back.” She punctuated this remark by grabbing her head in both of her hands and twisting her head. Once she had successfully dislodged the memory from the back of her head, she gave me a 5 minute discourse on how she got one of the bruises. It involved sliding on the floor, a box, a somersault, and various other crazy things…but to be honest, I tuned out after the second minute.
During Hailey’s first week of kindergarten, she was having a hard time remembering her classmates names (actually, it was only the female names she had a problem with. Hailey never forgets a boys name!) I gave her several tips that I hoped would help her. The next day, I asked her if she remembered any of the girls names that she played with. She told me she could not remember. She even “taped it to her brain, but it fell off.”
Next time she should try duct tape.
