A Cat Diary

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I received this in an email and it made me laugh so hard I had to share.  I have made slight modifications to fit Buster.  We don’t actually have a bird, but it was funny so I kept it in.

CAT DIARY 

 Day 93 of my captivity.  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.  The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again tear at the fancy couch pillows when no one is looking. 

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. 

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. 

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs. 

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. 

The small captors with the high-pitched squeals try to torture me by squeezing me and attempting to stuff me into doll furniture.  I will not let them break me. The dogs receive special privileges. They are regularly released – and seem to be more than willing to return. They are obviously mentally challenged.  The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with  the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe

For now…

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About emilypage

I have been married to my husband, Ed since 1998. We have two daughters, Hailey (9) and Leah (6). I have been the Director of Easter Seals UCP Stepping Stones Children's Center in Sanford since 2004. I am an Independent Senior Director for Thirty-One and I absolutely LOVE it! I was raised as a Wolfpacker but saw the light and now I bleed Carolina blue (sorry, dad).
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